Promises

I make a lot of promises, I think that's part of the job really. We're not talking about, "I promise you" promises, we're talking about the kind where you just have to keep your word. Some of them I do keep, some I wish I could keep, and some, I INSTANTLY regret.

The promises I keep are usually the ones that are preceded by the most forethought. For instance, Little Girl and I were at the grocery store last week and the following exchange occurred:

"Mama can I look at those...fings?"

She was pointing at those big round lollipops they have at the checkout. You know, the multicolored kid-magnet display that boasts 1" diameter, jawbreaker-style sugar-bombs on a stick. The kind that are so attractive, they even draw my child, who's had exactly 2 lollipops in her life, but who knows anything that pretty has to be tasty. Yeah, those.

"Sure you can."

I believe in letting her see things and teaching her that it's ok to not have everything. This approach has yielded mixed results.

"Mama, they're pretty, can I pick one?"

"No baby, they are pretty, but they are a treat and we're not going to get one."

Brace for impact Mama...

"Ok, we can save them for another day."

Cue choir of angels!!

Now all I want to do is give her the lollipop...give her all the lollipops...in the world! But that won't do, so I make a promise.

Play it cool Mama...

"Yeah, we will get one another time, you can pick one."

This accomplishes 3 things. One, I've managed some semblance of consistency. Two, it gives me an opportunity to reinforce her good choice be rewarding it at a later date. Three, I get to give her a lollipop. Which was awesome a few days later!

The second type of promise, those I wish I could keep, are usually the ones that run into outside interference.

"We'll go to the park tomorrow."

*Torrential rain all day*

"You can have an apple when we get home."

*Dada took the last apple to work this morning*

"Sure, you can wear your doggy jammies tonight."

*They're at the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper*

I hate when the Universe makes a liar out of me. It's so important to me that she be able to trust my word that it breaks my heart to chip away at that trust.

This is the part where I recognize my pathological need to never screw up as a parent, and the inevitability of me doing so...but that doesn't make it any easier.

The third type of promise, those I INSTANTLY regret, are almost always made with zero forethought. These are the "threat" promises. You know, the ones you wish you could suck back in before you're even through spewing them. The backfire ones. The ones you are mortified by at the park because other parents hear them, and which make your face contort in agony as you're making them....

"If you don't get your leotard on, we're not going to ballet."
"Ok, I don't want ballet!"
shit!

or this one...

"Stop throwing your jammies around, or I'm taking them all away and you won't have any jammies!"
Wait, whaaa???

Or how about...

"If you get down from the table, then we're going downstairs for bedtime."
It's 5:37 pm....shit shit!

Or my favorite...

"If you keep stepping on your books, then you won't be allowed to have them anymore."
W....T.....F!!!!!!!??????

The only benefit to these sorts of promises is that, quite often, they're so severe (see insane), that she immediately hops to it and I don't have to follow through on banning apples from the house, or making our cat live outside forever. I'd love to learn how to think before I speak more often, but I will say, the look on my husband's face when I threaten to shave her head is pretty priceless...perhaps, almost worth it.

What's the worst/best promise you've made to your kids?