The 5 Stages of Going Outside

My older daughter is more of an indoor girl. She (at 4 1/2) can sit with a coloring book, or stack of alphabet worksheets for hours. With a screen for, well, I've never tested this one, but I'm sure days. This has been mostly fine with me, I'm the type who WANTS to want to go outside, but, inertia is a bitch and I'm afraid my awesome hiking boots don't get the love they deserve.

Then, along came our younger daughter, she's the type of toddler who will go find her shoes, put them on, then plant herself at the door in nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of Pedoodles (Great shoes! Look them up!) saying "At syde" over and over again. This has been good for us all in the long run, but if any of you have an indoor kid like I do, then you are familiar with the 5 stages of Going Outside.

I have learned, through much trial and error to give Big Sis lots of warning before a shift of activity, so I usually warn her ahead of time. I give her the standard, "we're going out in 5 minutes kiddo" type warning, receive the absentminded reply of the art-engrossed preschooler, and proceed to gird my loins for the inevitable battle ahead.


Stage 1: Denial
After 5 (or 7, or 10, or heck, maybe 13) whole minutes has passed in relative peace, it's time to get this crazy train a-rollin'. Loins sufficiently girded, I inform Big Sis that it's time to get shoes on (and inform Little Sis that she needs pants to go with her shoes) so we can head outside. Big Sis embarks on her litany of reasons why she can't go outside because she NEEDS to _____ (the thing she needs to do isn't nearly as important as the fact that she needs to do it). I explain that she had a warning and it's time to go outside while it's still warm (or light, or cool, or rainy, or whatever). This conversation proceeds immediately to stage 2.

Stage 2: Anger
She's 4 1/2, if you have kids this age or older, you know what this looks like. If your kids are younger than 4, I assure you, they will never misbehave, throw tantrums, or otherwise break your brain with their insanity. If you don't have kids, ooooh, that must be nice!


Stage 3: Bargaining
You might think this is her bargaining with me, trying to get out of the sentence I've imposed upon her. It isn't, the bargaining here is ALL me. One of the MANY things I swore I'd never do with my kids was bribing/bargaining/coaxing with rewards. HAH! I'll trade 30 minutes of Octonauts for an hour outside any day. It's called balance.

Stage 4: Acceptance
SNORT!! Hahahahahaaaaaaaahahaaahaha!!!! Sorry, I had to, lol....you didn't...*gasp* you didn't think this stage actually happened did you?....I really shouldn't laugh...but....LOL!!!


Stage 5: Fun Outside (also known as Depression)
This is the part where we go outdoors and spend 30-60 minutes playing (or in Big Sis's case, WHINING like C-3PO on Tatooine ), until they are both crying about something and I finally give up, take them inside for some Octonauts and a glass of wine (for me, not them).

There you have it, the 5 Stages of Going Outside, from an expert. So all you parents with indoor kids, stay strong, they do need Vitamin D, they do need fresh air, and it's worth it...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. To all you parents of outdoor kids....just remember the pants.