My older daughter is more of an indoor girl. She (at 4 1/2) can sit with a coloring book, or stack of alphabet worksheets for hours. With a screen for, well, I've never tested this one, but I'm sure days. This has been mostly fine with me, I'm the type who WANTS to want to go outside, but, inertia is a bitch and I'm afraid my awesome hiking boots don't get the love they deserve.
Then, along came our younger daughter, she's the type of toddler who will go find her shoes, put them on, then plant herself at the door in nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of Pedoodles (Great shoes! Look them up!) saying "At syde" over and over again. This has been good for us all in the long run, but if any of you have an indoor kid like I do, then you are familiar with the 5 stages of Going Outside.
I have learned, through much trial and error to give Big Sis lots of
warning before a shift of activity, so I usually warn her ahead of time.
I give her the standard, "we're going out in 5 minutes kiddo" type
warning, receive the absentminded reply of the art-engrossed
preschooler, and proceed to gird my loins for the inevitable battle
ahead.
Stage 1: Denial
After 5 (or 7, or 10, or heck, maybe 13) whole minutes has passed in relative peace, it's time to get this crazy train a-rollin'. Loins sufficiently girded, I inform Big Sis that it's time to get shoes on (and inform Little Sis that she needs pants to go with her shoes) so we can head outside. Big Sis embarks on her litany of reasons why she can't go outside because she NEEDS to _____ (the thing she needs to do isn't nearly as important as the fact that she needs to do it). I explain that she had a warning and it's time to go outside while it's still warm (or light, or cool, or rainy, or whatever). This conversation proceeds immediately to stage 2.
Stage 2: Anger
She's 4 1/2, if you have kids this age or older, you know what this looks like. If your kids are younger than 4, I assure you, they will never misbehave, throw tantrums, or otherwise break your brain with their insanity. If you don't have kids, ooooh, that must be nice!
Stage 3: Bargaining
You might think this is her bargaining with me, trying to get out of the sentence I've imposed upon her. It isn't, the bargaining here is ALL me. One of the MANY things I swore I'd never do with my kids was bribing/bargaining/coaxing with rewards. HAH! I'll trade 30 minutes of Octonauts for an hour outside any day. It's called balance.
Stage 4: Acceptance
SNORT!! Hahahahahaaaaaaaahahaaahaha!!!! Sorry, I had to, lol....you didn't...*gasp* you didn't think this stage actually happened did you?....I really shouldn't laugh...but....LOL!!!
Stage 5: Fun Outside (also known as Depression)
This is the part where we go outdoors and spend 30-60 minutes playing (or in Big Sis's case, WHINING like C-3PO on Tatooine ), until they are both crying about something and I finally give up, take them inside for some Octonauts and a glass of wine (for me, not them).
There you have it, the 5 Stages of Going Outside, from an expert. So all you parents with indoor kids, stay strong, they do need Vitamin D, they do need fresh air, and it's worth it...or at least that's what I keep telling myself. To all you parents of outdoor kids....just remember the pants.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Friday, February 12, 2016
Family Vacation
Some people go on family vacations.
Some people go on family vacations that they planned as road trips, but changed to flights in the interest of spending more time with those whom they are visiting. From time to time, those families discover they are all ill prior to their flight, but can't do jack about it because 'Murican Airlines makes it prohibitively expensive to change flights, even if you are a family of 4, possibly dying of the plague and rabies (this is based on extensive googling of our symptoms).
Families in this position often go to sleep on Wednesday, hoping they will wake, magically spry and healthy on Thursday, they don't, and the baby has added PINK EYE to her list of maladies. Being responsible human beings, and wanting to avoid sharing her bacteria laden eye snot with the world, these families despair their inability to change flights (see above), and instead opt to run to the pediatrician when they open at 8:00am before they catch their 10:30 flight, then they can at least start antibiotics as soon as possible.
When these families manage to arrive at the airport by 9:30 am, they are delighted to discover that their carefully packed suitcase is 56 lbs, and they get to transfer 6 lbs of joy into their various (even more carefully packed) carryon items. These people make their flight, by 10 minutes.
Upon arrival at their destination, families of this persuasion wait for their luggage as they contemplate the 5 hour drive they are about to undertake because they thought it would be neat to see a little bit of the Land of Enchantment on their way to their final final destination. During their contemplation of said idiocy, they can't help but notice that the luggage carousel is conspicuously lacking in booster seats, which is strange, since they brought a booster seat with them, and even turned it into the custody of 'Murican Airlines.
Two hours later, these families are on the way to the pharmacy with their loaner booster seat (which is not a big deal to grownups, but LIFE ENDING to a 4 year old BTW), and an assurance that someone must have taken their own booster seat off the carousel, because THAT'S way more likely than 'Murica's baggage handlers dropping it behind a conveyor belt somewhere (don't we all troll baggage claim for pink booster seats in our spare time???). While they wait an hour for the baby's prescription, staring in horror as her eye has become a study in mucus and despair, these families might just get a call from 'Murican Airlines stating that the errant booster has been located, and the delivery guy (no he doesn't know where they found it) can either wait at the terminal for them to come back and get it, or he can **SIGH** drive all the way to their final destination and bring it to them. They return to the airport.
These families then spend the next 3 days participating in various events and hoping that tomorrow, TOMORROW, they will feel better, but they don't. On Monday, after a particularly touristy and awesome day, they decide to seek help. Urgent care tells these families that, "No, Kahn hasn't dropped a parasite into the 4 year old's ear, and no, the mother's sinuses aren't actually filled with tiny creatures obsessed with inflating party balloons even though there isn't any room in there!!!." However, the baby (who has recovered from Pink Eye and seems to be in perfect spirits) has a double ear infection. These families go to the pharmacy, again, and get a prescription, again.
Typically, people who go on these types of family vacations, wake up on the morning of their departure to a baby with hives, Yay! Penicillin allergy!!
These families do their best to tidy up their vacation rental, but end up leaving it looking like a murder scene because they spent 20 minutes trying to shoo a bird out, as he systematically bludgeoned his head on the ceiling in what can only be described as a morse code of gore.
After their 5 hour drive, and 2 flights (with only the minor complication of 'Murican Airlines losing their plane and sending them back and forth between two terminals for the duration of their hour layover in Dallas. As well as the Mama's "not a sinus infection" causing her eye to literally bulge from her face like an overripe grape during cabin pressure changes. ) these families finally arrive at home, relieved and seemingly no worse for the wear. When they see their pediatrician, they discover that the baby didn't even have an ear infection...at all.
Now, one might be critical of people like this, who choose a family vacation with so many, shall we say, intricacies. However, these families know something you don't, they know that the universe simply couldn't contain the astronomical AWESOMENESS of this kind of trip sans hiccups. See, these families have so much fun with their friends, in such an unbelievably beautiful place, that, had the trip gone off without a hitch, the multiverse would have collapsed in on itself due to the gravity of unadulterated raditude centered on them. They don't want to snuff out trillions of lifeforms in an instant, so....they get pink eye. You're welcome.
Some people go on family vacations that they planned as road trips, but changed to flights in the interest of spending more time with those whom they are visiting. From time to time, those families discover they are all ill prior to their flight, but can't do jack about it because 'Murican Airlines makes it prohibitively expensive to change flights, even if you are a family of 4, possibly dying of the plague and rabies (this is based on extensive googling of our symptoms).
Families in this position often go to sleep on Wednesday, hoping they will wake, magically spry and healthy on Thursday, they don't, and the baby has added PINK EYE to her list of maladies. Being responsible human beings, and wanting to avoid sharing her bacteria laden eye snot with the world, these families despair their inability to change flights (see above), and instead opt to run to the pediatrician when they open at 8:00am before they catch their 10:30 flight, then they can at least start antibiotics as soon as possible.
When these families manage to arrive at the airport by 9:30 am, they are delighted to discover that their carefully packed suitcase is 56 lbs, and they get to transfer 6 lbs of joy into their various (even more carefully packed) carryon items. These people make their flight, by 10 minutes.
Upon arrival at their destination, families of this persuasion wait for their luggage as they contemplate the 5 hour drive they are about to undertake because they thought it would be neat to see a little bit of the Land of Enchantment on their way to their final final destination. During their contemplation of said idiocy, they can't help but notice that the luggage carousel is conspicuously lacking in booster seats, which is strange, since they brought a booster seat with them, and even turned it into the custody of 'Murican Airlines.
Two hours later, these families are on the way to the pharmacy with their loaner booster seat (which is not a big deal to grownups, but LIFE ENDING to a 4 year old BTW), and an assurance that someone must have taken their own booster seat off the carousel, because THAT'S way more likely than 'Murica's baggage handlers dropping it behind a conveyor belt somewhere (don't we all troll baggage claim for pink booster seats in our spare time???). While they wait an hour for the baby's prescription, staring in horror as her eye has become a study in mucus and despair, these families might just get a call from 'Murican Airlines stating that the errant booster has been located, and the delivery guy (no he doesn't know where they found it) can either wait at the terminal for them to come back and get it, or he can **SIGH** drive all the way to their final destination and bring it to them. They return to the airport.
These families then spend the next 3 days participating in various events and hoping that tomorrow, TOMORROW, they will feel better, but they don't. On Monday, after a particularly touristy and awesome day, they decide to seek help. Urgent care tells these families that, "No, Kahn hasn't dropped a parasite into the 4 year old's ear, and no, the mother's sinuses aren't actually filled with tiny creatures obsessed with inflating party balloons even though there isn't any room in there!!!." However, the baby (who has recovered from Pink Eye and seems to be in perfect spirits) has a double ear infection. These families go to the pharmacy, again, and get a prescription, again.
Typically, people who go on these types of family vacations, wake up on the morning of their departure to a baby with hives, Yay! Penicillin allergy!!
These families do their best to tidy up their vacation rental, but end up leaving it looking like a murder scene because they spent 20 minutes trying to shoo a bird out, as he systematically bludgeoned his head on the ceiling in what can only be described as a morse code of gore.
After their 5 hour drive, and 2 flights (with only the minor complication of 'Murican Airlines losing their plane and sending them back and forth between two terminals for the duration of their hour layover in Dallas. As well as the Mama's "not a sinus infection" causing her eye to literally bulge from her face like an overripe grape during cabin pressure changes. ) these families finally arrive at home, relieved and seemingly no worse for the wear. When they see their pediatrician, they discover that the baby didn't even have an ear infection...at all.
Now, one might be critical of people like this, who choose a family vacation with so many, shall we say, intricacies. However, these families know something you don't, they know that the universe simply couldn't contain the astronomical AWESOMENESS of this kind of trip sans hiccups. See, these families have so much fun with their friends, in such an unbelievably beautiful place, that, had the trip gone off without a hitch, the multiverse would have collapsed in on itself due to the gravity of unadulterated raditude centered on them. They don't want to snuff out trillions of lifeforms in an instant, so....they get pink eye. You're welcome.
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