Did you know that I used to be normal? That I used to not yell, "Stop licking the step stool!!" That I used to choose clothes based on how they looked (well, let's be honest, how comfortable they were), not on how accessible my lactating mammaries were? Did you know that my husband and I used to not argue about where the Brita pitcher belongs on the counter, or him readjusting the G.D. strap on the diaperbag EVERY STINKING TIME he used it!! For God's sake man, just pick it up and carry it, stop screwing with the strap!!!........*ehem* As I was saying...I used to be...normal.
This is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Yes, I'm a raving lunatic obsessed with raisins and poop, but my life is full and happy, I have small human beings who love me more than anything...blah, blah, blah..." All of that is true, but...when Big Girl is splashing gallons of water out of her bath while Little Girl is getting her adrenaline fix because I forgot to buckle her into the highchair (again!), I just want to send them both to a new family, and be normal again.
I want to put on makeup and some heels (I know there are some buried in my closet somewhere). I want to make a QUICK run to the store (any store....just so I can experience the rush of getting out of my car and walking into a building in under 7 minutes). I want to drink a fresh HOT cup of coffee, sing to the songs on my favorite CDs (Big Girl doesn't like it when I sing with the radio, it fills me with a deep and abiding sadness), and for the love of all that is holy, I want to experience solo bathroom time!!
So yes, blah blah blah, I love my kids, they are great, I can't wait to see who they become as they grow, but sometimes (ok, one might even say often), I can't WAIT for them to fly the nest so hubby and I can get to know each other again, and I can get to know myself again. As much as I want to see who they become, I want to see who I become over the next 17 odd years! Will I still have the uncontrollable urge to pack a variety of tidy, finger foods everywhere I go? Will I still have pockets full of hankies and stray barbie shoes? Will I feel naked without a Mary Poppins bag containing EVERYTHING I could possibly need for EVERY emergency, except the one that we're currently experiencing? Will I still lie awake at night, after the house is quiet, reliving every moment of the day, cursing myself for not knowing the right way to handle each insane scenario cooked up by these little versions of me? Probably that last one...yeah...definitely, that one, because, this is my new normal.
I am no longer that "normal" me, I'm this mom-me (get it, Mommy???). I do obsess over bodily functions and the day's sticky substance. I do want to neck punch the office manager who offered my 3 year old a blasted lollypop at 5pm....FIVE PM!!! And even though, I miss all of those "normal" things, I signed up for this, and it's my job to help my daughters find their normal, and try my hardest to show them what a healthy normal is.
I don't think I own a pair of heels anymore, but I get what you're saying. Ha! Sometimes I'm embarrassed by the ridiculous giddy feeling I get when I go to the store by myself. Then I think, Screw it! This is my time-even if it's only 15 minutes, I'm going to enjoy it! And eat some chocolate out in the open because no one is around.' Good luck finding that 'normal,' we're working on that over here too.
ReplyDeleteHot coffee!!!!! I miss the most...
ReplyDeletethe one I refused to indulge was the singing in the car admonishment. If a song comes on I like I'm singing it. We went to the Starlite swap meet last week. Jess heard another lady singing along to music and she said, "look Mom- that lady sings with her songs too- but she's better than you. She sings in a whole nother language!" The woman was singing in Spanish. :-) Normal will come- when both are over 4. and then you will long for the babies- maybe. :-)
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